This has been such a sad time.
My husband’s little Mama passed away last Saturday. She was 91 and in the last few months she developed fluid on her lungs which required heart valve surgery. That surgery never happened because that same night when she came home from the hospital, she tripped over the 30-foot oxygen tubing and broke a hip.
She broke the other hip several years ago (also in the kitchen) but that had such a different outcome. After that first hip break she was eating good nourishing food in the rehab facility and got a lot of interpersonal interaction and attention which fed her soul.
This time she never made it out of the rehab facility.
It is a very hard time for my father-in-law and my husband. Whitney’s (my husband’s) sister and brother have already passed, so he is the last living child.
We will miss the intensity of love she had for me, my husband and my children. It is incredible to be loved that hard. What an amazing gift that will be missed.
We will miss her culinary specialty… perfect toast.
And we will miss her arranging all the family get-togethers.
Whitney and Papa Jack planned a beautiful service and everything that goes along with it.
And here’s what I learned:
Be the friend or relative that shows up.
You don’t have to give a eulogy or even stay for the whole thing.
You don’t have to say anything profound.
Sometimes just being there is what grieving humans need.
It is the thing animals offer us humans… they lay with their head in our lap on tough days. They create calm just by leaning their bodies against us.
All without saying a word.
That’s what we can do too.
Lean in and look straight into their eyes.
And just be there.
Deep thanks to those who showed up on Saturday out of the blue and into my heart.
It’s the rules that hurt.
I had a friend tell me that she doesn’t have as many friends as she thought she had.
She has reached out and they have moved on to new jobs or new interests or new friends.
No time for her.
One in particular just decided she didn’t feel like spending time with her anymore. She just wasn’t interested.
It tore my heart to see her in such pain. She is such a sweetheart.
But what is hurting her is the rule she has in her head that friendships should stay the same.
And the rule that people should like you back as much as you like them.
No one has done anything cruel to her on purpose.
No laws have been broken.
But the rules we have about how things should be are what cause us emotional pain.
Sometimes I like to break rules.
Maybe the new rule is that people are allowed to like who they like and spend time with whoever they want to spend time with.
And we can still love them just as much.
Because we are the ones who feel the love when we love someone.
What rules are causing you pain?
I just saw a job description listed for a part time project-based assistant for a photographer out in California.
He is seeking someone who is “passionate, enthusiastic and sees life as the best adventure and best gift ever!!!”
Yep. He used three exclamation points in a job listing.
Love it.
But isn’t that a great listing for a lot of people in our lives?
Husbands/wives
Best friends
Bosses
Coworkers
If they are passionate, enthusiastic and see life as the best adventure and best gift ever, that pretty much makes everything else just a learning curve.
I wouldn’t mind that as my obituary.
What do you want your obituary to say?