Sometimes I worry about greed.

I worry that people will think I’m too greedy if I buy myself nice things.

The dictionary says greed is, “Intense and selfish desire for something, especially wealth, power, or food.”

I think you have to be careful about the word selfish.

People throw around the word selfish like an accusation.

I find that the real problem most women have is not that they are greedy.
The bigger problem is that they avoid being selfish or greedy.

Imagine this rabbit hole:
You are worried because someone called you greedy for wanting things.
You feel guilty.
You wonder if you really are greedy.

So you pull back and don’t ask for as much and don’t try to get as much money.
As a result, you aren’t your best.  You are trying to please other people so they won’t think you are greedy.

You live a smaller life.
And your family and loved ones aren’t getting the best you.

All because you are worried about being greedy.
And selfish.

I don’t find this to be a problem so much with men.

It’s considered a woman’s place to put other people first.

When women say things like, “I love to make money,” People accuse them of being greedy.

Warren Buffet loves to make money.  He is the third richest man in the world.  He is 90 years old and still goes to work every day.  
He doesn’t need the money but he wants to make it.

No one thinks Warren Buffet is greedy.
They think he is smart. And charitable.

Only you can decide if you are greedy.

Don’t let anyone else decide for you.

It’s ok to want money.
In fact it’s awesome to want money.

You don’t have to have any grand design to help other people with it.
Because when you are making money you are exchanging value for it.
Your value is going out into the world.

If someone thinks you are greedy, that is on them and their thinking.
Let them be who they are.

You?  You are creating value.
You are living an expansive life.
A life with results.
And meaning.
And connection.

No guilt.
Guilt doesn’t serve anyone.

No judgment.
On you or on anyone else.

Love your money and your future money.
Let your life big as big as you want.
The world and those who enter your orbit will be better for it.

My Dad, the banker, used to point out houses to me in the neighborhood.  
They were huge mansions.  
And my mother would chime in, “Those people can’t afford that house.  They are in foreclosure.”

No one else knew they were in debt up to their eyeballs. But my parents who, bless their hearts, were terrified that they would lose everything, knew because of his job. 
And they wanted to save my sister and me from that fate.

They wanted to instill the fear in us so we wouldn’t make a big mistake and overextend ourselves.

That was just one of the money stories I was taught growing up. You can never tell how much money someone has by what they have or flaunt.

There are a lot of people living a façade.  They can’t really afford the house they live in.  And when they lose it they will be in worse condition than if they hadn’t pretended… if they hadn’t been hiding from their money truth.

Most people are trying to keep up with the Joneses.

They think that to be as good as other people, they need to have the same things and do the same things.

It’s a form of people pleasing.

“Other people will like me better if I have a new car.”
“Other people will think I am the bomb if I have the latest fashions.”
“Other people will judge me if I don’t take a trip over Spring Break.”

But what’s REALLY going on underneath all of those thoughts is that YOU are the one who is judging yourself.

You are thinking, “I won’t be as good if I don’t have a new car.” “I won’t be as good if I wear an old dress.” “I won’t be as good if I don’t travel.”

It’s never really about them. It’s about what you think about you.

Something happened to me the last time I went to my college reunion.  It was definitely meant as a compliment.  But a good friend said to me, “I am so impressed that you are here without wearing any makeup.  You are so natural.”

And yet, I was wearing the makeup I wear every day… tinted moisturizer, mascara, eye shadow, eyeliner and blush.  For me, I had my full face on, but I thought it was interesting that she had projected confidence on me.

In actuality she was thinking about herself.
She was thinking that she didn’t have the hutzpah to go without foundation.

It really wasn’t about me at all.

You never really know what the other person is thinking.
They might be admiring you for your simplicity.

So if you are trying to keep up with the Joneses, you are only trying to impress someone whose thoughts you are imagining.

Because you have no idea what their thoughts really are.

Even if they tell you.

Or you may be trying to make yourself feel better about yourself.

And one thing I can tell you for sure is that things don’t ever make you feel better.
It’s an inside job.
That’s the work to be done.

Buy things that make you feel abundant.
And don’t buy things that make you feel like money is scarce.
Even if everyone else has it.

Most of us pretend about money.
Pretend we make more.
Pretend we make less.

We are hiding from ourselves and our money truth
and other people.

Money is a taboo subject.
We don’t want to talk about it in public.
Or even in private.

We make money mean that we are worthy.
Or not worthy.

We say things like, “I can’t afford that.”
Or, “It’s ok, I can afford it.”

We worry about other people judging us by what we spend.

The size of our house.
The trips we go on.
The way we tip.
What we wear.

It’s exhausting.
Trying to pretend that we have more money.

Or pretending we have less money.
We don’t want to be thought of as stuck up.
We don’t want to feel pressured to pick up the bill.

When we pretend, we are lying to ourselves.
Because we think the truth hurts.

But the truth never hurts.

Tell yourself the truth.

And tell the truth to the people who have earned the right to hear your truth.

When you speak your money truth, 
shame dissolves 
and you don’t have to hide.
Your whole body can secretly unclench.

And that feels a whole lot better than pretending.