One of the things that makes going to college so painful is that the change is so abrupt. One day you are being are being taken care of, the next you sucking ketchup packets and calling it dinner.

Well, I might be a bit dramatic.

But, before you make that break and set off on your own to college, start taking over your self-care.

Make choices.

Make mistakes while you are still in a loving home environment.

Feed yourself.

Do your laundry.

But, most importantly, make your changes with love.

You are taking over your parents’ job, so be gentle.

Be the leader of your change.

Give your parents a new way to show you their love other than cleaning your room.

You will have the big payoff of a more gradual entry into college.

Dip your toe.

The water is warm.

Social media, TV, movies, (even parents) all glorify college and how fun it will be.

There’s no way it can live up to that hype.

You’re in for a big let down when you get there find yourself studying in the library instead hanging out at endless parties.

Or hanging out at endless parties and find there are actual consequences.

College is just life somewhere else with all the same cool complexities.

College is life in a different container.

The container can be a trashcan or a silver chalice. You get to pick.

But it’s still just a container.

Try this:

Make a list of everything wonderful you think college will be.

Then next to that write down where you got that idea. Movie, TV, social media, friends, parents…

Then, keep in mind that all of those sources have a reason they may inflate how great college is.

All those reasons boil down to this:

It makes the story exciting.

Can college be awesome?

Definitely

• Freedom
• Like minded people
• Meet different types of people
• In-depth learning

But just like high school isn’t “Gossip Girl”, college isn’t “Pitch Perfect”.

If you can, try visiting a college for a weekend.

Talk to the students.

Ask them the best thing about college and the worst.

That’s the whole picture.

When I imagine the college life I want for my kids, I see them striding through campus with a big smile on their face. I picture my son raising his arm to wave at a group of friends across the quad who look excited to see him. I picture him walking into the classroom with a bright, “Hi!” to his professor. He takes his seat and shifts his weight forward, ready to interact and take notes. He is primed and poised to take on the world.

He is confident.

I imagine what it would look like if my son were not confident at college.

He shuffles across campus with his hoodie up, earbuds in, head down, arms full of books to create a wall that protects him from interacting. He tries to slip into the classroom unnoticed and slides into a chair in the back of the room, where he hunches over a blank notebook.

I want scenario #1.

Not only does it seem like life comes more easily to self-confident people, being confident feels good.

It feels really good to think you can handle anything that may happen.
It feels really good to expect things will go your way.

Because how you think directly affects how you act. And how you act tells people how to treat you.

Choosing confident thoughts creates confidence.
It takes practice.
And creating confidence is a skill that can be learned.
And that’s priceless.