Outcomes you try to force are rarely as good as the outcomes that happen naturally.
Take dating. Being overeager can sabotage a date.
If you go out with someone who talks about buying a house together on the first date, it’s a bit of a turnoff.
To get the outcome you want, the secret is setting an intention and letting the universe handle the details.
When you decide what you want and set an intention, you will consciously do things to try to make it happen. You do this all the time. If you want to make a friend you introduce yourself and talk to them.
The second thing that happens when you set an intention is you release the power of your unconscious mind on the task. If you want to make a friend, you unconsciously mirror that person’s body language. You have a smile on your face when you greet them. You lean in when they talk.
You don’t even think about these things. They are your unconscious mind trying to stay aligned with your wants.
Sometimes when you try too hard, you end up pushing away the thing you want most.
We’ve all encountered the overeager salesman who drives us out of the store rather than making shopping a delight.
Trying too hard to get a job can make you seem too needy and like less of a “catch”. It works the other way too. If you apply for a job that seems like anyone could have it, it may not seem quite as sweet.
How do you create the outcome you want?
Deciding what you truly want gives a set of instructions to the conscious and unconscious parts of your mind and whatever universal powers you believe in to bring you your heart’s desire.
It works with all types of things you might want… money, relationships, weight loss… you name it.
Go ahead – throw out an intention and don’t sweat the small stuff.
The universe will handle the details.
I never used to curse. I always thought that people who swore just hadn’t put enough thought into articulating exactly what they felt.
It was an easy way out.
It was inefficient.
I simply had no desire to curse.
Then I had children.
I thought I shouldn’t swear in front of a child. If I say a curse word they would repeat that in pubic places until Child Protective Services came and slapped the handcuffs on me.
I shouldn’t swear.
Which is exactly why I was suddenly dying to do it!
I already had a lot of other parenting restrictions in my head,
like do not watch violent TV in front of the children.
No sex in front of the children.
Be patient.
Make them healthy food.
Read them stories at bedtime.
Bathe them regularly.
Don’t yell.
I was basically not allowed to do most things adults do.
So many rules!
So much restriction (coupled with sleep deprivation).
I wanted to curse, damn it.
So I would go away for weekends with my girlfriends and swear like a sailor. And by swear like a sailor, I mean use the word shit once, and damn twice.
I was such a badass!!!
This is how resistance works when you are trying to manage your money too.
If you are in your head, keeping track of all the things you shouldn’t buy, you rebel.
When you think about depriving yourself, you feel deprived.
So, instead, I am keeping track of all the things I do have in my life.
A beautiful house.
A hunky husband.
Truly good kids.
A career I love.
Big trees right outside my window.
Owls that hoot in the twilight part of evening.
Fresh clean air to breath.
Electricity to give us light.
A refrigerator to keep my food cool.
I still sprinkle in some cursing from time to time (and giggle like a school girl) but I have ditched restrictive budgets.
And that, my friends, is f*cking awesome.
I have been feeling a little trapped.
There are a lot of things I want to do.
My son is in his senior year, so I want to see all of his rugby games.
I want to savor all of those “lasts”.
My daughter is ill and needs lots of help and love.
My husband has a demanding job so I cook dinner every night.
I want to do my best work for my wonderful coaching clients.
I know you have your own list of busy.
You get it.
So when my old friend from college called and said she was in the area on vacation, it brightened my day.
She texted me and said, “Would you like to get together for coffee or lunch or dinner this week? I may not get right back to you because I will be out on the lake kayaking.”
I texted back, “Yes! But I want to kayak.”
And we did.
It was incredible.
I was kayaking with Kathy in the morning, and back at my desk for coaching calls by the afternoon.
But I’m no unicorn.
You can carve out a microadventure for yourself.
You don’t need to splurge on a trip to Europe when you can get that feeling of freedom right in your backyard.
Stepping out of my every day routine made me feel a little freer.
What makes you feel a little more free?
Coffee or lunch or dinner would have been easy.
But they wouldn’t have fed my spirit like an adventure on the water.
Right in the middle of the workweek. Ha!
I think that makes me a little bit of a badass.
What feeling do you want from that big safari in Africa?
Adventure?
Novelty?
Freedom from technology?
Whatever it is, take the big bucks out of the equation and create those feelings right where you are.
Not only is it more cost effective, but this way you can adventure more often!
