This summer my sister, Gayle, and I helped my mother move into a continuing care community. We then tackled the task of finding homes for all the rest of her worldly belongings.
Most of it went to Goodwill and Salvation Army as well as friends and needy friends of friends.
Some of it… the mountains of slides and family papers… we are still sorting through.
But a big chunk of her beautiful furniture and paintings went to my sister, not me.
Why?
Because she recently bought a second home in the mountains of North Carolina.
She has space for things.
Am I jealous?
Not one tiny iota.
We both delight when the other finds a place for something of Mom’s we both love.
As two adult daughters, we have already fully furnished and filled our homes.
But what I realized was this: Gayle’s receiving of these riches was a perfect metaphor for receiving any riches.
You have to allow space to receive.
I find I do that with relationships.
On one hand I would like to fill my life with structured activities.
(I love me some structure. I find it lets me relax.) But I keep my schedule flexible so when my daughter wants to do the jumble in the newspaper, I’m available.
I’m free to drive a friend to the airport or let out my next door neighbor’s dog.
When it comes to relationships, I have allowed space to receive.
I get all the riches.
I’ve got enough stuff in my house.
This thing with my sister worked out perfectly.
Where do you need to allow space to receive?
Our brains think that we are going to progress.
We are going to make more money than our parents.
We are going to be able to help our kids monetarily.
If we work hard enough we will accumulate all the things… the cars and house and clothes and toys.
We think that ten years from now we will be smarter and healthier and happier and richer.
But life doesn’t always work that way.
If you don’t have the money you used to have, (or thought you would have) you may need to grieve that loss.
Even if that loss isn’t real.
Grieve that the dream is over.
Allow yourself.
Stop telling the well-intentioned lie that you need to take care of your children first.
Or your friends.
Or your family.
This time take care of yourself first.
Grieving is self care.
Grieve the life you won’t have.
Don’t spend the rest of your life negotiating your happiness.
“I will be happy once I have X amount of money.”
Grieve fully.
FEEL IT.
Don’t fight it.
Fighting it only ramps it up.
But then, when your grief lessens, open your eyes to how the universe is bestowing its riches on you.
Don’t give your power away to something you can’t control.
Grief is an amazing healing process.
Do it without the judgment and blame and hate.
Life doesn’t always work the way we think it is supposed to.
But sometimes it delivers things in a more deeply rich way.
The trick is to be open to seeing the riches come in a different way than you expected.
I was listening to author Steven Pressfield the other day talking about the difference between doing something like a pro or like an amateur.
And it made me think about running your money life as a pro or like an amateur.
How does a pro go into the day?
If it’s a professional dancer, they practice, practice, practice even when they are sore or tired.
If it’s a pro tennis player like Serena Williams, they don’t hide their head in the sand if they don’t win a match. They face the truth and look for ways to improve.
Be a pro with your money life.
Because your money life is really just your life.
Look at the numbers even when you don’t want to.
Make choices even when you want everything in the store.
If you want to grow your life and evolve, your brain is going to throw up some resistance.
Your brain is going to create some fear and maybe a touch of shame or unworthiness around money.
So expect it.
And handle it like the pro you choose to be.