Some problems in life are gravity problems.
As Bill Burnett of Stanford’s design program calls them, gravity problems are problems you have no control over.
Like hurricanes.
Or seasons.
Or gravity.
You can try all you want, but you won’t change them.
There is a lot of pushing and head banging about problems that are unmovable forces.
Everyone is spending a lot of time worrying about things they can’t change.
When you are trying to curate your best life, you will face obstacles that seem like gravity problems…
Not enough money.
The people in your life need to do things the RIGHT way. (Aka your way.)
You’re not happy in your job.
You can spend a lot of time trying to figure out if you have a gravity problem or not, but a better use of your energy is to ask yourself the question:
“What CAN I change?”
Hint: You can change what you think, feel and do.
That’s all.
Everything else is gravity.
What is your biggest challenge today?
What can you think, feel or do differently?
Just got back from my four-day on-site Equus coach training where I practiced coaching people using horses to help people with their struggles and challenges.
Horses are my partners in coaching.
It’s magical and we go deep fast.
So, here’s the most recent thing I have learned.
(There is always an aha or two.)
Boundary setting doesn’t have to be a big thing.
It can be a small correction.
You don’t always have to have the big talk.
Sometimes it’s just how you hold yourself.
Or look someone in the eye.
Boundary setting never has to feel confrontational.
And sometimes the boundary is for the other person as much as for yourself.
One of the things we do in training is go catch a horse in a field.
There is horse language we learn, which is essentially body language that horses understand.
At times when I go to catch a horse, the young or dominant horses will get in close to me and try to nibble parts of my body or the harness.
It feels delicious.
It feels like love.
But the nibbles can lead to a bite.
And chewing the harness can lead to swallowing it.
So, I learned to hold my space and not let the horse come in right on top of me.
I also learned to not look the horse in the eye because that would be considered a reason to move away from me.
I want that sweet spot.
Still delicious.
Where I can harness the horse without letting it in too close, but also not drive it away.
I think there is a sweet spot in most of our relationships.
Setting a boundary that keeps both of you safe and authentic can feel amazing and empowering.
Healthy relationships can go the distance.
Watch yourself today and notice how you use your body to set boundaries with people.
What sort of boundaries are you setting with people in your life?
I have never thought of myself as a minimalist.
I think of myself as wanting the right amount.
I want the good quality.
I want plenty.
But I don’t want a lot to maintain and clean.
In my mind I want to be ready to move onto a boat and sail around the world at a moment’s notice.
I mean that literally.
But my reality is that being ready to hop on a boat has been a metaphor for being available for incredible opportunities.
I didn’t get a washing machine until I was in my 30’s.
I didn’t get a dishwasher until I was 40. (That second kid using sippy cups tipped the scale.)
I have been a minimalist with stuff for a while.
But this pandemic has made me into a minimalist with my time.
Due to COVID protocols I don’t need to attend meetings.
I am minimizing visits I “should” be making with extended family.
I have long stretches of time to dream and scheme.
I am embracing all kinds of minimalizing.
Less clutter.
Less hectic.
Less cleaning.
Less appointments.
Less overwhelm.
I have been building a big, glorious, luscious life.
Turns out I didn’t want more and bigger.
I wanted less.
So I am steering towards a deep, meaningful, glorious, luscious life.
I have been creating extra space… breathing room.
Good things happen in the margins.
I intend to keep things cleared out so there are margins in my life.
And boats. Lots of boats.