As you may remember from an earlier email I sent, we are renovating our kitchen.

The cabinets twisted and skewed as the house settled over the last 100 years, so when beautiful custom lower cabinets and quartzite became available from a TV show my husband was working on, the kitchen renovation began.

Yes, it was bad timing.

My mother-in-law had a heart event.
Then fell and broke a hip
And died.
Two weeks later my father-in-law moved into a retirement community.
Three weeks later my father-in-law had surgery.
And a month later ended up back in the hospital.
And is still in a rehab facility after six months.

So, I am not mad at my husband that he hasn’t built the upper cabinets yet.
I fully support him in his loving choices.
Through it all he has continued work on the wiring, drywalling, venting, painting and installation of the lower cabinets.

But that doesn’t mean I’m not GOING CRAZY with the house in chaos.

I am in limbo.

I can’t have people over for coffee.
Or friends for dinner.
I can’t sit down at my dining room table for lunch.
I am eating on the couch or over the sink.
I do finally have a sink, and don’t have to wash my dishes next to my toilet.
So there’s that.

It’s the chaos the leaves me agitated.

AAAAAARGHHHH!!!

I am not the only one dealing with the skin crawling feeling of limbo.

Many of you are in some kind of limbo.

You are in the middle of a divorce that Just. Won’t. Seem. To. Ever. End.

You are waiting for your child to find that elusive job that will some day in the next century allow them to get their own apartment and leave the nest.

You are trying to sell houses in a market that is frozen, waiting for interest rates to change or tariffs to take effect. 

The most excruciating part of being in limbo is the lack of control + not seeing an end in sight. But at the same time not wanting to blow up your whole life just to avoid this feeling.

So the key to freedom from emotional limbo…

Learning to sit in limbo with ease.

Make limbo our friend.
Not fight it.

How that looks:

I have already done the thought work. I dropped the thought that the kitchen SHOULD be done.

What is going on now is somatic.
It’s in my body.

The key: I am willing to feel the feeling.

I sit in my most comfortable chair and explore how limbo feels in my body.

To me, limbo feels like electrical static or buzzing in a layer just below my skin.

It may feel differently for you. We all have different sensations that go with our emotions.

I also feel my heart beating faster and my breathing is shallow.

I spend a minute or two noticing the buzzing and I sense that it is more intense above my waist and is most active in my chest and arms.

My body is trying to keep me safe. It thinks that there is danger because of the discord in my life, so it is sending me static to get my attention.

I mentally say to the buzzing, “I hear you. I get the message. I’ve got your back.”

I continue to feel the feeling and to physically relax. I breathe deeply and slowly to calm my vagus nerve and gradually the feeling dissipates.

It’s like what John Green says about falling in love… “it’s the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once.”

The limbo feeling goes away slowly, then all at once.

I expect the uncomfortable static will be back to make sure I am safe.

But I will calm the limbo again in another hour or another day. 

Just by noticing.

Being in alignment is the sweet spot…  Doing the kind of work that you are good at, you enjoy, and people want to pay you for. Building relationships with people you respect and who respect you. Living a life with few regrets. Experiencing the spiritual part of your life that matches your personal beliefs.  Being in alignment feels like ease.   Being out of alignment feels like you are pushing a rock up hill. It feels crummy   To get into alignment can involve meditation and self-reflection to figure out what you really want. Reviewing your values and desires. Clarifying your boundaries. Challenging your current thoughts and beliefs. And while all of that is a beautiful thing, I am exhausted just thinking about it.  Doing that kind of life review is great when you are in a funk or going through a difficult time.  In fact, I recommend a deep dive “life review” once a year to realign, curate, and supercharge your life. A weekly tune-up can be exciting and energizing.  But actively aligning every moment of every day can be overwhelming.  The good news: Trying to align yourself everyday doesn’t have to be a big thing.  You can realign yourself with a single breath.  Try this: Breathe in deeply. As you breathe in, think about what you are doing or a decision you are trying to make. Does it feel like freedom? Or does it feel like a ball and chain?  If it feels like freedom, you are in alignment. As you breathe out, relax and enjoy the glow.  If it feels like you are dragging around a ball and chain, you are out of alignment. As you breathe out, imagine expelling the bad feeling from your body. Try another option of what you could do. Think of this new option as you take another breath in. Does it feel like freedom or ball and chain?  Repeat until you come up with an option that feels a bit freer than what you are currently doing.