We all want more.
More money, more relationships, more heightened experiences… wanting more is how we are wired.
But consider what can you subtract.
Are there people who are toxic to your wellbeing you could release from your life?
If you had only half the stuff in your top dresser drawer, do you think you could finally find matching socks?
If you choose a smaller home… just the size you need, no more… what could you do with the extra rent/mortgage/property tax money?
Maybe you can subtract a few of the obligations you have said yes to, creating some white space in which to live.
Fill in the blanks:
Less worry is more…
Less on my calendar is more…
Less chaos is more…
Less stuff is more…
What could you subtract from your life that would actually give you more?
So, you are in a difficult situation.
Emotions are off the charts.
Something is wrong and someone else has done something incredibly stupid.
You are about to explode or implode.
To talk yourself down off the proverbial ledge, try asking yourself these three questions:
#1 – “What do I want to believe and feel about this situation?”
Peel back the layers.
Instead of a knee-jerk reaction which is normal for humans, take a step back and decide what you WANT to believe and feel.
If your coworker has blamed their mistakes on you, you are perfectly justified in thinking they are a lowlife and being angry with them. You might even yell at them.
But how do you WANT to feel?
You probably don’t enjoy feeling angry.
Do you want to believe that the world is going down the tubes or that somewhere in this situation is an opportunity for growth?
Maybe you want to believe that there are now grounds for firing your coworker. (Which could spark some satisfaction on your part.)
Maybe you want to believe that your coworker needs compassion since they are playing the sad blame game. (Which means you feel compassion.)
Let how you want to feel drive your choices.
Which brings me to the second question…
#2 – “What thought serves me?”
I love this thought.
It doesn’t matter if you are justified in thinking something.
The litmus test: Does the negative thought bring you down or lift you up?
I’m not suggesting you wear rose colored glasses.
I am suggesting you figure out what you want… what you truly want… and make choices that help you be that version of yourself.
Which brings me to the third question…
#3 – “Who do I want to be?”
Do you want to be the person who is focused on grudges or sees the bigger picture?
Do you want to be someone who lets the actions of other people determine how the day is going to go?
Are you going for sage and wise or brilliant and powerful?
Or passive and quiet quitting?
There are no wrong answers.
There are only answers that serve you and answers that don’t.
Dealing with other adults is hard.
Especially when they are getting it wrong.
But to bring a little more peace to your life I have one suggestion.
Occasionally let other people off the hook.
How do you know if you should correct them?
Here is the determining factor:
Ask yourself, “Does it matter if I am right?”
For example, if your spouse says, “The paint was $200.”
You have an overpowering urge to correct him. He was off by $100.
And you certainly could correct him.
But does it matter if he is correct?
If he is telling the neighbor what he just paid, it probably doesn’t matter. Let it go.
If he is writing a check to the painter, it matters. Gently slide on in.
Maybe your friend fiercely says, “You haven’t called me in weeks.”
If they are upset and think you don’t love them, feel free to yell, “Yes, I did! I called you last Tuesday!”
Then they will feel unloved AND accused of lying.
You have corrected them, and you have probably pushed them further away.
Calling? It doesn’t really matter who is right.
Another option is to tell your friend, “I am so sorry. You are one of my favorite people. Let’s go out and have lunch tomorrow!”
Most of the time correcting people creates distance in the relationship.
People don’t remember that you brought them the truth.
They remember how you made them feel.
No one likes it when you point out they are less than.
Does it matter who is right?