If fear wasn’t part of the equation, how would YOUR LIFE look different?
If you weren’t afraid to look like a fool,
or start a new career,
or say, “I love you,”
or wear what you really want to wear,
or ask for a raise,
or say, “I don’t know,”
or be afraid to not be liked,
or take a big f*ing risk,
how would your life look different?
Someone who makes you feel flattered… that’s someone who has your power.
Someone whose opinion matters to us.
Someone we respect or want to emulate.
When it’s someone who routinely makes us feel less than, we are on guard.
We steel ourselves to not give that power away.
Protecting ourselves from someone trying to disrespect us is familiar territory.
But flattery is different.
We don’t throw up a wall when we feel flattered.
We lean into it.
It is a good feeling.
Changing what you think and do because of flattery is a part of people pleasing.
And people pleasing is giving away your power.
The sword cuts both ways.
Sneaky, isn’t it?
| I am originally from Pittsburgh, Pa. It still forms my view of the world. Pittsburgh feels like home in a deep way and resonates with me some 40 years after I moved south. I grew up saying “you guys” when I talked about a group of people. That still feels right because it’s so ingrained in all my neural pathways. But in recent years I have started saying “y’all”. I have always liked the word y’all. It’s so useful.It’s one syllable. It feels warm and inclusive. But the reason I changed is that the word “guys” usually refers to men. There are a thousand little ways our culture defers to men. We are used to men being in power. Are 50% of American Presidents women? What?!? Not one?!? (Yes, this is thinly veiled sarcasm.) Men tend to handle the big money decisions.Men tend to make the investing decisions. Women earn 82 cents for every dollar earned by men. We are used to men making the money and handling the money. And yet, studies have found that the average woman’s investment strategy and eventual performance tends to be more stable than the average man’s. A 2021 Fidelity study found that women investors are outperforming men. So, I’m changing from “you guys” to “y’all”. Because we change a patriarchy by untangling all the ways we defer to men one neural pathway… one thought… at a time. Even when it seems like a small thing. Because that’s how you eat an elephant… one bite at a time. I haven’t thrown away my roots. I’m growing new, intentional roots. |