I am starting a series of the important stuff I want my kids to know.
I am perfectly healthy, but there are things I would regret if I didn’t pass on to them.
Today’s message?
I am just a floating head being carted around by a robot body.
Well, that’s how I have been acting. I haven’t listened to my body, and when it screams loudly enough for me to hear (like, “My back is aching, I need to lay down!”)
I treat it like a robot and command it to continue.
I make it work when it is sick.
I make it stay awake when it wants to sleep.
I feed it Krispy Kremes instead of crunchy greens.
Our society has taught us to let our minds rule our bodies. Look at doctors. When they go through their training, they stay up 36 hours at a time. Are their creature bodies telling them to sleep? To rest? To eat? You betcha. But their minds are tuning out their bodies.
It’s part of the culture.
You are a good person if you go to work even when you are sick. You are a good person if you work longer, harder, push through, starve yourself thin, run a marathon… the list goes on.
When was the last time you listened to your body? I mean really listened? Do you actually wait to feel hungry every time before you eat? Are you getting enough sleep? Are you really getting enough sleep? Why am I still using Photoshop if my carpel tunnel is barking at me?
I am slowly learning to turn my robot body back into the beautiful creature it is.
So here’s what I suggest. Pay attention to the signals your body is giving you. Your body never lies. Take it’s advice sometimes. If that works out, do it more of the time.
Get used to the language of your body then try this: Use your body as a tool for decision-making.
Listen to your body for an overall feeling of shackles on and shackles off.
For example, if there is a job you are thinking about taking, your mind will carefully consider the pros and cons, salary, commuting, challenge, etc.
Fine.
But then stop and listen to your body. Does taking the job feel like somebody is putting shackles on you, or someone releasing you to freedom?
Freedom or Trapped? It’s as simple as that.
Then follow your body’s advice.
That’s what they call mind/body connection. Instead of letting your mind be the dictator, let your mind and body work together. Your mind will let society sway it; your body is your true compass.
Now go to sleep, kids. Your body needs rest. J
I want to talk about the law of attraction. Please don’t freak out on me, because it’s not that icky cult-like law of attraction. It’s the kind that you have experienced.
You know – it’s when you stop looking for a boyfriend that one shows up on your doorstep. (I was planning a move to Australia when I met Whitney.)
It’s how people who don’t need money seem to get all the money.
It’s how the popular people have even more people calling them up to come play.
What I want to share is how to be one of those people who gets the good stuff.
Some people think the law of attraction is when you write down what you want on a piece of paper, stick it in a drawer and it comes true.
Hmmm.
That doesn’t work under any set of laws that nature, science, or the Supreme Court has instituted.
But, part of that strategy is good. The clarity you get when you refine your wants and write them down is good. Write it down, make a vision board and get in touch with what really makes you happy.
Now, take one of the things you want, and imagine getting it.
Mmmmmmm. Nice.
(I’m thinking of taking a bareboat trip with a bunch of fabulous women.)
What’s the feeling you imagine getting from what you want?
That’s REALLY what you want. It’s never the thing. It’s the feeling.
Most people think they want to win the lottery. It isn’t. What they really want is to have the feeling of financial freedom. Or of never having to worry if there is enough money to pay the bills.
People don’t want to be married. People want the feeling of a loving and committed relationship. Or the feeling of security they think a marriage brings. Or they may want the feeling of relief from not having to look for someone anymore.
So after clarity, step two is making your wish list a list of feelings.
Step three? Bring those feelings into your life now. Don’t wait for the big goal to be met.
Choose to feel like you don’t have to worry about money anymore. Because you don’t have to worry. You will always need money to pay for things. Even if you win the lottery. But it is your choice to worry or not.
Are you now worried that if you don’t worry you won’t bother making the money to pay the bills?
Ha! I’ve always loved your sense of humor.
No, we are not giving you a lobotomy, taking away your work ethic and sense of responsibility. We are just taking away the worry part.
Mmmmm. Feels good, doesn’t it?
The final key: releasing the “have to have it” feeling.
Whoa Nelly! Easier said than done. I’ve got you really wanting something, and now I am telling you not to want it so much.
The trick here is to fill yourself up with the feelings you want, but do it now. Fill yourself so much that the original goal doesn’t matter so much. You aren’t starving in the emotional desert anymore. You already have your cup filled with water from other places, so you have taken the edge off of your emotional thirst. Then if that goal happens, it’ll be great, and if not, no worries.
That’s the time you become a magnet and it comes to you.
My desire is to lead a coaching adventure on a sailboat to the Caribbean. What are the feelings I want?
Freedom.
Connection with people.
Connection with nature.
Peace.
Calm.
No daily baggage.
Deep play.
Living in the moment.
So I am finding ways to feel these feelings now. Why wait?
I’ll let you know when the trip is planned.
When you have kids there is always drama (rhymes with Alabama).
My son, Bryton, is pretty low-key, good student, good athlete, 8th grade, quiet (except around 13-year-old boys) and loves electronics.
Sports have been a major part of his life since he was four and joined his first soccer team. My husband helped coach his little league team, and his peewee football team. Bryton has been a part of the Pop Warner Football organization since he was eight. Last year he made it to the Sunshine bowl, where the Carolina Panther who was calling the game singled him out as the best man on defense on either side. We have the DVD of Bryton running down a guy from the opposite side of the field to stop a touchdown. On almost every play, Yale was mentioned for helping to tackle the ball carrier.
You may have seen him on the Panther field as his team played an exhibition scrimmage for half time. Let’s just say hopes were high.
Since he was eight, his dream has been to make his school team. And he finally did that three weeks ago. He even joined the old Pop Warner team so he could get in three weeks of grueling workouts so he would be in the best shape of his life when it came time for middle school tryouts. He was in boy heaven… three 3-hour days of tryouts after school in the hot Carolina sun. And Friday afternoon he came home triumphant. He did something I have never heard him do. He told me he was happy. Even his sister/arch-enemy mentioned how happy Bryton was. I often hear how things are not up to snuff, but now he was happy. And he had worked for it… a spot on the team. The coach he had worked with wanted him to try out for quarterback, running back and cornerback.
He was light as air. He let irritating things roll off his back. He was on the team.
For 24 hours
He played his last Pop Warner game the next day and tore his ACL. For those of you who were like me three weeks ago, (uneducated), your ACL keeps your knee bones in place. Sort of important.
When Whitney and Bryton came back from the MRI on Monday night, eyes were red and puffy. I truly don’t know who was more devastated. The significance was hitting them. Even if the doctors could operate the next week, there is six months of rehab. That means missing the entire football season, rugby season, basketball season, and hiking with boy scouts.
Then we talked to the surgeon. It actually was pretty fascinating. Let’s suffice it to say that you don’t want to drill into a 13-year-old’s growth plates because they could be deformed as they grow. So, let’s wait until next year, perhaps even until he is 15 ½ to do the surgery.
Does that mean he won’t be able to catch up?
He’s pretty scrappy.
But that’s in the future. That is a worry that serves us no purpose.
What I have on my hands right now is a boy (and a husband) who is crushed. Scholarship dreams seem to be slipping out of his hands. The pride that comes with having your friends watch you do something well (parents don’t count) was stomped on like a Palmetto bug.
I have never been so glad to have my coaching skills in my back pocket. Last year, I would have jumped in the pool with them and bawled my eyes out. I would have tried to comfort him.
This year, I knew what to do.
I told them to grieve. Cry. Feel your feelings.
(How often will I get the opportunity to teach this lesson when they are so raw they can’t roll their eyes?)
They were completely in square one, as Bryton’s identity had changed in the blink of an eye. And that should be grieved.
And instead of getting caught up in the thoughts of “what if”, I thought about the lessons of leadership that Koelle Simpson and her horses taught me on the NorthStar ranch.
Animals and people will match your level of calm.
Don’t get pulled into their fear, and communicate calm in ways louder than words.
My recipe:
Move your voice from the screeching money sound downward into your chest. Relax your vocal cords if you can.
Slow down your breathing to a pace like you are resting.
Open your focus rather than narrow. In other words, look at everything in your range of vision with even focus. (Picture a lion sunning itself on the Serengeti.)
Don’t comfort with reassurance, comfort by holding the space for them. Just be there for them.
There can be tons of love, and support for the growth that is happening without trying to snuff out the pain too quickly.
I was almost shocked by how quickly things went from doom and gloom to business as usual. There are lots of physical therapy exercises and doctors visits to keep us busy. And I am sure emotions will ebb and flow.
But I am thankful that self-defeating attitude is not on our plate today. Not today.
Today I think there is a pinch more man than boy in Bryton Yale.