Why I am a lying liar to myself.

When we last left off, I was thinking that my daughter wouldn’t ever come and visit again if I showed her a crappy time.

On a deep level I believe that.

I know it’s true for me that if I go somewhere and have a fabulous time I want to go back. More, please.

And if I go somewhere and have a disappointing time, I’m not as likely to go back. There are a lot of options. Why repeat a bad one?

Buuuuut, it is worth the question, “Is it true?“
Will my daughter stop visiting just because of a disappointing visit?

Probably not.

And yet I still have that niggling fear.

So, I am trying out a thought that feels less ouchy.
I am trying out a thought that is the complete opposite (how daring) of my painful thought.

That thought is, “She may enjoy her visits MORE if they aren’t always stellar.”

Yes, one part of my brain is telling me that’s insane.

But in my college psychology class, we learned about intermittent reinforcement.

For example, if you are training a dog to sit and you reward the dog every time it sits, the behavior will probably be learned fairly quickly. But if you only reward the dog intermittently when it sits, the dog will continue to sit (even when the reward is not provided) in hopes that the treat will appear.

Will this apply to my daughter visiting?
No idea in hell.

But the point is that I feel the ring of truth in this alternative idea.

By simply asking myself, “Is it true?” My brain has provided me a piece of evidence that she might visit me in the future even if she has a crummy time during this visit.

I bet my brain could come up with more evidence that she may come back to visit even more if the visits aren’t great.

Before writing this, I hadn’t taken time to consider all the possibilities.

I feel hopeful now.
Less extreme.
And I can stop lying to myself out of fear.