Setting boundaries for the holidays

The holiday season is zooming towards us.

I’ve been to the stores and I see the decorations.
I see the merchandise.

And I have received the call from my in-laws about what to bring for Thanksgiving.

They want me to make something I can’t eat with my dietary restrictions. (I’m gluten-free, dairy-free… doctor’s orders.)

So, I set a firm boundary.

I told my mother-in-law that if I can’t eat it, I don’t want to cook it and bring it.

I want to have at least one thing at the all-day eat-a-thon that I can consume.
I don’t want to sit at the big table and watch everyone else eat piles of my favorites while I sip a glass of water.

I let her know that I would figure out what I want to make and get back to her.

Ha! Boundary set!

And then I CHANGED MY MIND.

Because I’m allowed to do that.

I called her a week later and told her I AM going to make green bean casserole for her.

There’s a lot of peeling in the making of mashed potatoes.
Roasting root vegetables is too laborious to do for a large group.

A green bean casserole really is quick when I don’t make the fried onions from scratch.

And then I can make myself GF spaghetti with meat sauce as a treat. Just for me.

I get excited when I think about it.
It’s a win-win.

I talk with you a lot about how to set boundaries.

I talk about the “Yes Sandwich.”
I talk about the three steps of making a request, a consequence and then enforcing the consequence.

But I don’t have to be a hard ass to have people respect me.

We are allowed to change our minds.

That’s not people pleasing.

That’s agency.